Feeling stressed out!

This will probably be the most personal post I will ever write, but hey!

I was talking to a co-worker today. He was telling me about how he didn't do well on his MCAT for the second time.  He told me that he was giving up on medical school and settling for something else. He was really bummed about it because he can't afford to keep trying due to having a family to support even though he wanted to.  I felt really bad for him since I knew how long and hard he had been working to get into medical school. Unfortunately sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned.

What happened to him resonated with me because it was exactly what was happening to me.  I try to push it away and tell myself that I'm still young.  I still have plenty of time to figure out my life.  I need to focus on being a kid.  After we talked for a while I realized that I've been avoiding reality.  I have a bachelor's degree and I'm not doing anything related to my studies, and I am working a job that doesn't even recognize the fact that I have a college degree.  I'm not a teenager anymore. I need to focus on my future, but it scares me.  I've taken my PCAT twice just like my co-worker, and I did not do that well both times. What can I do now? For what reason did I go through 4 years of college?  What am I going to do for the rest of my life? This? Running around to conventions and playing dress up? I love it, but this isn't a career. I haven't really applied myself because I'm afraid of failing. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and I don't think it's O.K. anymore. I feel like I'm running out of time and I'm disappointing my family.

So now I'm making costumes for Phoenix Comicon, and I'm so stressed.  I offered to make a costume for one of my co-workers and I still have my costumes to work on.  The convention is 2 weeks away and I'm no where near done with anything. I put myself through unnecessary stress over menial things. Phoenix Comicon is one of the last things I should be stressed about right now, but I don't know what to do.  My life has no direction and I feel like I don't have time to sort it out.  *sigh*

Back to the Grind